I’m just back from a conference focused on scientific studies about change where I heard a repetitive chant: “People Don’t Change.”
I’ll acknowledge there are studies that show most patients who encounter life threatening conditions return to old behaviors that caused the problem in the first place. Hence, the red meat seduces the heart patient. Nicotine lures the smoker. Permanent weight loss is rare as weight comes back to the dieter.
I know some people don’t care to change, or it is too threatening to them to do so. Yes, living without food as a soother, friend or emotional barrier can be scarier than death.
I fit that picture once.
In my twenties, I developed hypoglycemia, a precursor to diabetes and, because I had no health insurance, I ignored the symptoms until they became severe: fainting, nausea, severe headaches, blackouts, and finally seizures. Then, all alone in my New York City apartment, I seized and passed out one night. I remember trying to get to my bed. At the door, I remember my hand reaching for the door frame before I lost consciousness. I must have hit my face as I fell because, when I awoke, I was covered with blood. The side of my face was badly scraped and cut.
My doctor went for the fear jugular: “YOU LIVE ALONE! YOU WERE PASSED OUT BLEEDING FOR HOURS. WHAT IF THE BLEEDING HAD BEEN WORSE? YOU COULD HAVE DIED! YOU MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT AND YOUR EATING!!!”
And I did do something. I did exactly what he said – an extreme diet – until I began to get healthier, my blood sugar numbers evened out, and the fear eased. Then, my big brain took over and convinced me I was cured and I went right back to old behaviors. An the excess weight returned. This was one of my first learning experiences about the mind.
As I continued to lose weight and regain it — many times — I slowly realized no physical change sticks around without mental change.
In my opinion, medicine and science confuse two separate things: (1) human beings and (2) behavior. They measure behavior and project their findings onto people, thereby making an erroneous assumption.
I see it every day with my coaching clients. Human beings love to change. We think about it, dream about it, lust for it. Why? Change is what makes us human. No other living being can deliberately change. It’s enormously exciting to actually witness deep change inside ourselves. It wakes us up to life. Change is a pathway to knowing ourselves on a deeper level. And, when we are self-aware, we care enough to make the change happen.
I realized that, to be successful long-term, my motivation could not come from fear.
I discovered the power of desire.
It didn’t come from a doctor or “authority.”
It came from inside me.
I didn’t stay a failure statistic, neatly described in column 3 of some dry data the medical profession loves to quote.
No, I didn’t stay a statistic. And you don’t have to either.
