The phrase “having it all” has been cropping up lately. You know what that means. Time to pay attention!

“Having it all” drives so much activity and behavior! We seem to have hugely idealistic pictures of our “perfect” lives: thin bodies, thriving relationships, successful careers, high achiever children, beautifully appointed homes, oodles of money, respect, admiration…. the list can obviously go on and on.

We’re even willing to minimize huge aspects of our lives that are fantastic when just one part of what we define as “all” is missing (or doesn’t show up exactly when we want it!).

Having it All - Version 1

Here’s an example: A client* comes to me with a fantastic life – movie star looks, money, talent – but she has a determined focus on what she does not have. She colors her entire attitude with the “lack” of a meaningful romantic relationship. Forget the fact that she is not attracting anyone who might be right for that meaningful relationship (a “look at what’s missing” attitude is repelling, not attracting!), this type of negative thought threatens her other assets because she’s so focused on “getting” a relationship she’s stomping all over her looks, money and talent.

She’s actively and openly diminishing herself!

Having it All - Version 2

Another example: A client* who shows up and tells me she DOES have it all. She’s got a wonderful family, fab job, big house, luxury car… in her words “everything I ever dreamed of”… and yet, if she’s not eating (read: if she’s strenuously dieting), she’s shopping. She has a deep hole inside, an unfillable void, that must be fed… by food or by things.

Anyone who’s ever eaten a whole pint of Haagen Dazs or an entire plate of brownies knows that feeling. No amount of food will ever fill that emptiness.

What about a shift in the meaning of “having it all”?

Having it All - Version 3

What if “having it all” means:

1. experiencing intense pleasure and excruciating pain – and the whole gamut of human emotion in between?
2. having abundance and accepting that the mind wants to focus on lack?
3. having a whole myriad of relationships that run the gamut from good to bad, brilliant to dysfunctional, workable to completely unworkable?
4. feeling self-acceptance but part of that acceptance allows for “wanting more” to coexist inside you?
5. knowing food won’t solve the problem and eating anyway?
6. sensing the fullness and richness of life as a human being AND finding it hard to stay with that sensation?
7. feeling peace AND war inside you (or out in the world) at the same time?
8. exploring the depths of that internal void AND experiencing joy beyond belief?

As I consider this, “having it all” means fully embracing what is.

This changes the emphasis but also simplifies: instead of “having” in the sense of going out and “getting” something, we simply wake up and take notice of this amazing thing we call human life.

It also emphasizes the real vitality in life: the wide, deep, amazing experience present within us whenever we choose awareness.

* If I share one of my clients’ stories with you, they have given me permission to do so, in the spirit of help others who might learn from their experience.

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