It’s the middle of January and, in one form or another, many of us are fighting with our food.

As New Year’s Resolutions fade and sputter and maybe even get thrown to the wind, it’s easy to fall into a real struggle with food. Most diets set us up for struggle. They make some foods “good” (which doesn’t line up with what our mind says is “good”), and some “bad.”

But even an old pro like me has a momentary brain fart around food.

A few days ago, some friends were dropping by the house for coffee after a movie. As I thought about their arrival, my brain had a hiccup and I got an idea.

A bad idea.

I should make something for them!!!

Have you ever noticed, once the mind grabs a bad idea, it tries to make it OK? It calculates, and stacks up excuses, for the unnecessary behavior.

My mind said, “They’ll be hungry”, “They’ll expect something to eat” and “It’ll be nice.”

Love the EXPECT… don’t you? Totally made up sh&*! Nowhere, at no time, have these friends ever expected anything of me!

I’ll make a cake!!!

Yeah, that follows, right?

Before I knew it, my body was possessed and the mixer was whirring! Boom. The cake was in the oven. It happened so fast, I don’t even remember cracking the eggs. Only at that point did I breathe again. (I had not even realized I was holding my breath!)

And only then did my little chatty cathy 4-year-old mind shut up and I heard a deeper voice (an adult one) say: “Expect cake? They don’t expect cake. Just like everyone else, they’ve probably had enough sugary crap during the holidays. And YOU’VE had enough, Pat!”

Even though I ate far less this year than in years past, I KNEW I had eaten enough sugar during the holidays to last quite a while, like maybe until May 2020??

So I turned on the light and peered in the oven at the cake. It was starting to bake!

“Oh, it’s a nice thing to do,” my 4-year-old mind said.

“It’s totally unnecessary and absurd,” my adult mind said.

“Well, it’s done now!” the 4-year-old said.

“What if they have half a brain and they don’t want it?” my grown up mind said. “What’ll I do with the damned thing?”

“Just let it bake, you can make a better decision next time.” (Ah, promises, promises – the 4-year-old always promises something, doesn’t she?)

Many of my clients describe these mental conversations as having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

Or, to me, it seems more like I have a skinny angel and a fat angel, both looking over me. And they want completely different things.

One thing I’ve learned, however, is that you can’t get caught between the two (or twenty) voices in your head. Once we start debating, we LOSE! Once we get stuck between two voices, we usually wind up doing NOTHING.

I did recognize I was in that no-win position and managed to ask a real grownup question, “Do I need this, or do I want it?”

And, somewhere inside, I knew it was the extra holiday sugar talking. (It sets you up with those nasty cravings and can take 3-4 weeks to clear out of your system.)

I knew I didn’t need it.

No one NEEDS cake. You choose whether to have it or not and, in my opinion, if you feel compelled, or driven towards food, THAT’S THE TIME TO AVOID IT. It’s a sign something else is going on.

Really, all of this was about expectations.

What do others expect of me?

I came from a family that would never just serve you coffee. They always had to give you crappy carbs to go along with your coffee.

So, I decided to risk being “not nice” to my guests.

I pulled the half-baked cake from the oven and threw it down the drain. It was steaming and half-formed and just plain disgusting. (I briefly considered running to get my phone to take a picture for you but it was hot so I just dumped it.)

Now, to me, this really wasn’t about cake, or expectations, or those “4-year-old” voices we all have in our heads. It was about honoring my higher good. About hearing the adult voice.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time, effort and energy to grow her up. I need to listen to her.

This blog was featured on “Prevention Not Prescriptions!” Find out more and share information for “Prevention Not Prescriptions” at The Kathleen Show here.

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