We hear the phrase “Fat Shaming” quite often today. The subject is in the news again due to a Facebook post by Rachel Taylor on her experience in an Old Navy clothing store.
Here’s part of her post:
Today I was shopping in Old Navy, standing in between a teenage girl and her mom. The girl picked up a plus-size tank top, showed it to her mom and said, “Look! Me and So-and-so can fit in this tank top!” Her mom laughed and said, “Yeah, you could! That thing is huge!”
I couldn’t help it; I started crying. I guess the girl and her mom walked away. I have no idea. My husband walked me out of the store to the car. I sat in the car crying for a long time but eventually went back inside to finish my shopping.
Rachel went on to buy the tank top and posted a picture of herself wearing it. She said she looked fierce in it. Here’s the picture:
It’s true! She looks great!
But, is this really an example of fat shaming?
My thoughts, as a weight loss coach, and a woman who once weighed 242 lbs, is this was more like victim behavior. The only shame I could see in her story was from INSIDE her.
It’s a fact that two people could fit in many pieces of clothing. So what?
Does that warrant investing emotions and crying over strangers’ remarks not even directed at her?
Is this worth “crying for a long time”? And needing to be helped to the car?
I’m all for anyone owning their size and shape… in fact, it’s essential for a healthy life, but this story illustrates how shame can rock your world. Shame is an intense and internal form of blame. It essentially means a person doesn’t feel good enough, or worthy, in their life.
When we carry shame, we are separated from our true selves, and disconnected from our own natural empowerment.
After Her Post
After her post, Rachel received a lot of derogatory remarks on her Facebook entry. She countered by saying posting a picture on FB does not invite comments from others (I’m wondering why she posted it at all then?) and she ended her post with:
“As my Mama always says, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.'”
And that’s my point exactly!
If you think you should only say “nice things”, you are operating from a place of shame. Saying “only nice things” obliterates the truth of what we feel and how we express our feelings in the world.
When that happens, we see putdowns and derogatory remarks everywhere we go. And, if we cope with food, other people’s remarks can lead to a lot of overeating.
It’s virtually impossible to clean up the inner core of shame so we can find true worthiness, the kind of worthiness that erases the need for constant defensiveness in the world. And weight loss never happens from a place of shame.
Make Note – I am not saying she should lose weight; I’m saying, if we want to change our weight, we need to tackle shame first.
I’ll repeat that: I am not saying she should lose weight; I’m saying, if we want to change our weight, we need to tackle shame first.
Shame is a bigger than excess weight. Shame renders us inauthentic in life.
A Test – Do You Carry Shame?
- Do you believe you should keep your mouth shut unless you have something “nice” to say?
- Were you encouraged to be a “nice girl” or “nice guy”? What’s the cost of that overriding behavior?
- Do you take things strangers say personally? In fact, do you take anything personally?
- What deeper beliefs does your shame create?
I’m reminded of the quote “what someone else thinks of you is NONE of your business.”
Let’s face it, if someone is criticizing or judging you, they likely don’t have a life. It’s their negativity and control issues at work. Why give it a second thought?
After losing 92 pounds, which I’ve maintained since the year 2000, and working with thousands of clients seeking permanent weight loss, I have learned it takes eradicating shame so no negative charge around excess weight is present before we can release it for good.
And, even if the target goal isn’t weight loss, life is lighter and freer without the heavy load of shame.
Pat Barone, MCC, is a master credentialed coach who healed her own food addiction and works with clients around the world. Her enLIGHTen Your Life! Mastermind Course for Permanent Weight Loss is an unparalleled, cutting-edge tool for those who want to heal.
