One of the primary reasons the American woman’s body image is distorted is the virtual lack of REAL role models in our society.
Most of our role models come from the fashion industry and Hollywood films. If we only viewed French or Italian films, we’d see a wide range of sizes, shapes and ages among the actresses looming on the big screen. (We’d also see less cookie cutter beauty and much more interesting types of beauty.)
But, time after time, I find myself watching an American movie and wondering “Why does she have to be so thin?”
She looked like this, primarily due to bulimia.
What We’re Comparing Against Example 1: Boomer women are reeling over Jane Fonda’s admission that she was bulimic when she starred in Hollywood films and exercise videos of the 70s. Nice of her to admit it now, I guess, but millions of women did those stupid videos until they were blue in the face and then beat themselves all the way to the bakery because they didn’t wind up looking like her.
What We’re Comparing Against Example 2: Actresses in two current hit films have admitted using body doubles in their nude scenes.
While it’s kind of refreshing to hear Mila Kunis (“Friends with Benefits”) and Olivia Wilde (“Cowboys and Aliens”) admit having less than Hollywood-approved body parts (many actresses hide knowledge like this with a vengeance), why agree to it in the first place?
They look like this, but they "need" body doubles in the world of Hollywood.
These two women must be among the most beautiful women in the world. Would they be less beautiful if we knew their butts weren’t high and tight? On a recent Jimmy Kimmel show, Wilde explained how every nipple we see onscreen today is faked via the latest capabilities of computer animation.
While it may be hard to believe anyone thinks those nude scenes are real, many women (especially younger, impressionable ones) do, and they measure against those “perfect” images.
What We’re Comparing Against Example 3:
Comparison happens without the big screen too.
When I was younger, I had a friend named Caroline. Caroline was reed thin. I loved and hated her. She ate all kinds of crap and never gained weight. She flaunted her skinny legs and brought attention to her thinness in goofy ways. I mentally beat myself for my “huge” body throughout the years of our friendship, alternately eating crap out of defiance (she gets to eat it!) and strenuously andsurreptitiously dieting. Of course, I only gained weight. My mind said Caroline was “normal” and I was not.
Years later, I learned she had been bulimic and died as a result. It was so incredibly sad to hear the truth. I was sad for her and I was sad for me. Comparing myself to her had done it’s damage. It easily could have led me to death too.
Now, we were close. And yet I never knew. Because all I saw was fat (me) and thin (her).
The quite consequential damage was from the comparison.
I cannot begin to tell you what many of the actresses and models do to stay thin. The stories are harrowing. By the time they come to me to reclaim their bodies, get out of diet mentality, and learn about permanent weight loss, they’ve progressed way beyond disordered eating to disordered lives.
Bottom Line on Comparison
Never compare your insides (your process, your doubts, your growth, your feelings, your unique life) with someone’s outside. As Marianne Williamson says, “comparison is always unloving.”
I compared myself to a cousin. I felt like a slob, clothese not fitting right, too fat, next to her – she was skinny as a rail and always ate a lot too. Then, we grew up and in midlife she ballooned like crazy, in a weird way too, all in the tummy. Turns out she was bulimic and it all started backfiring on her. She told me we used to binge on big bags of M&MS, but the difference was she’d go throw it all up. It makes me really sick to think I compared myself to that what I could not see. I felt really bad about my stupid clothes not fitting sleekly because I was roundish and they were straight boy-type clothes. That’s what was”in” then.
Lots of wisdom in your post Ann! The reason your cousin gained all her weight in the stomach area is that it was all fat gain. This often happens, and it’s a good reason why disordered eating should be addressed. Weight gain after a diet comes back that way too.
I hope you don’t still compare yourself to anyone! You are unique!
Another example of comparison: Reese Witherspoon was pictured at the beach in today’s headlines and many complained about her body – saying it was fat, etc. She is not fat, of course, but she has had two children and her stomach is not completely flat! People obviously feel she should be rocking a fat free body since she’s an actress. What a life. I hope she doesn’t play the comparison game!