Have you heard this quote?
“The chief cause of failure is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.”
The road to weight loss is littered with bad trades!
We vow to attend a barbecue and avoid drinking alcohol, since that often sets off compulsive eating. But, in the moment, perhaps under peer pressure from the host or hostess, we throw the vow away and plunge headfirst into a margarita.
Alcohol can lead to relaxed boundaries around food.
We promise to eat in a healthy manner but, when the first meeting of the work day shows up decorated in doughnuts, we’re on a sugar high before the boss can say “Good morning!”
We tell everyone we want to lose weight, but week after week, find the exact same weight staring at us from the scale.
What’s up with that?
These are all examples of how we abandon ourselves in the moment. Some momentary pleasure or convenience becomes more important than our ultimate goal.
Relaxing boundaries around food or behavior is one part of the negative impact of choosing momentary convenience or pleasure. But, there’s a bigger, deeper impact. In the moment, we let ourselves down and show a weakening of our own personal integrity. Even if we very rarely let someone else down, breaking our word to ourselves is rather common. Because, on a deeper level, it feels really bad, it creates a downward cycle of energy, blame, shame, etc.
Preserving Personal Integrity
Here are some tips to preserve personal integrity so behavior leads to our goal.
1. Don’t set impossible standards – going to party or social event and not eating anything is hard for anyone. Be reasonable in all pursuits.
2. Find/know your “tipping point” – A personal tipping point might be 2 sips of alcohol or 2 glasses, then “poor” decisions start showing up. Poor decisions start when we soften our promises to ourselves
3. Set a boundary before your tipping point – Take a step back from the tipping point (for instance 1-1/2 glasses of wine, if 2 glasses is your tipping point) and create a boundary. Brainstorm setting those boundaries. Find some easy situations to practice, so it’s not such a leap in a harder situation. It might be easy to leave your sister’s BBQ before dessert appears, but it might be harder at a friend’s party.
4. Have an “out” – Know when to leave if personal boundaries are shaky, and the ultimate goal is threatened. Have a rehearsed exit line if necessary. Forget explanations and rounds of elaborate excuses. “I need to go” is enough, especially when surrounded with plenty of grace and thanks. Your needs are always enough.
5. Build on good feelings – Don’t get down on yourself and expect that will motivate you. Identify with integrity and notice what it feels like to stick with your goals in the face of temptation. Build on that!
