A recent blog post by Shay Sorrells, who was on Season 8 of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” inspired this post.
I couldn’t find a place to comment on her blog, but I wanted to share my perspective on her “lessons.”
Do these people look like they will find their essence in those apples?
Shay called her post “The seven biggest mistakes I made after Loser” and they went like this:
- I stopped measuring… [food]
- I took a break… [she says another person suggested she do this and she listened]
- I stopped journaling my food…
- I didn’t listen to my body… [Advised by a doctor NOT to run and suffering from chronic knee pain throughout “Loser”, she nevertheless decided to run a marathon and injured herself.]
- I thought I would be okay on my own…
- I started caring more about what others thought of me…
- I stopped caring… I just went into autopilot mode, delved into my work and started focusing on everything but my health.
Let me emphasize I’m on Shay’s side. There’s nothing wrong with her reaction. It’s very common, and it happens every day. In fact, it happens 99% of the time we diet. I see it every day in my coaching practice. I did it myself for 20 years!
But, let’s ask a different question:
What did she really want?
What was greater than the grueling and painful “Loser” path?
I think Shay wanted her life back, her life before the measuring, the incessant exercise, the focus on every bite, the constant assessment.
When you measure yourself, there’s a high likelihood you will not measure up.
She may have wanted her autonomy, her freedom – that feeling of having choice in life. Freedom is a constant yearning, deep and seductive.
That yearning is what derails every diet and every dieter living by “diet mentality.”
I feel for her. I was in her situation regaining weight many times in my life. If we struggle for weight loss, we lose even more important things as we regain. Excessive diet and exercise routines that push the limits of the body guarantee rebound weight, and therefore guarantee even worse feelings and emotions.
I respect everyone who wants to lose weight. I believe that, deep down, we all want to claim our lives in a powerful way and owning a happy weight is part of that quest.
I do not respect those who use and abuse people in the quest for profit, as I believe “The Biggest Loser” does. Excessive diet and exercise routines that push the limits of the body guarantee rebound weight, injury plus long-term psyche damage.
What’s more, they know it. They are simply willing to trade participant’s health and manipulate them emotionally for more money in their “loser” pockets.
The Natural Urge for Freedom
The urge for freedom and autonomy will always show up, and it will always WIN!
This is not a bad thing. It’s how human beings are supposed to live: at choice, free, autonomous, powerful. This need, which resides at our core, is stronger than any mental idea that we should be a certain size or number on the scale.
“Diet mentality” and “diet programs” fail so often (99% of the time) because we are human and we MUST have our freedom of choice. Any plan that comes from outside ourselves cannot be part of freedom of choice.
And the diet and addiction mindsets don’t heal anything. Fat cannot be “fixed.” Losing weight doesn’t solve the problem because weight is not the problem.
A Bigger Question
A better question, in my mind, is: What’s driving my addiction?
Answer that and you don’t need to count anything. Ever. You won’t even need a scale. And you won’t trade food addiction for another addiction, like nicotine, or shopping or counting.
You will know when your weight feels right and is easy to maintain. Yes, it can happen. For you. For me. I’m proof it can happen.
When you take care of yourself from a very deep place inside you, feeding, nurturing and moving your body in a harmonious way that doesn’t set off the body’s natural alarm system, weight finds its norm.
It’s something you can feel. It’s an aliveness or vitality that you NEVER feel while on a diet or “plan.”
It’s your essence.
I hope Shay finds hers.
I resonate with your points in this posting. My experience in coaching people who are overweight and in my own life is that the most important part of getting healthy is knowing that yourhealthy vision is bigger than the ‘comfort foods’ or ‘time on the couch’. The instant gratification.
It’s not an easy journey and most seek ‘instant’ success.