Say NO Better

One of my friends, who happens to have a great deal of spiritual mastery, was talking with me recently.

As we discussed the amount of incredible busyness, stress and pressure in today’s culture, he said this phrase to me:

 say NO better

Say.

No.

Better.

It struck a chord immediately.

Boundaries are a constant topic in coaching as my clients seek to establish safe structure in their relationships, at work and at home with their children and partners.

I’m not exempt from pressure, being a female business owner with a son in college.

My friend was encouraging me to say NO more often, and with more effect.

Why We Don’t Say NO

1. Being a Pleaser – We’ve been taught to be the “good girl” or “good guy” or to “be nice.”
2. “Earning” Esteem – When we don’t have esteem, we run an internal program that says, if we do “good things”, we’ll eventually be good enough… it’s an endless cycle of DOing instead of BEing.
3. Scarcity – We accept invitations that don’t thrill us, or some we even actively don’t like, because we think we won’t get an invite to something we really enjoy.

How to Say NO Better

1.  Be direct.  “Maybe” or “I’ll see if I can make it” or “I’ll let you know” don’t cut it.

2.  Don’t overexplain.

3.  Don’t apologize.

4.  Take the emotion out of “no.”  It’s a simple fact.

Saying NO directly can help avoid drama, lying, bad feelings like resentment and a build up of toxicity in relationships.

Become a person known for their powerful NOs. People respect boundaries.

If you don’t have a lot of experience expressing NO, practice.

say NO better

Say NO better, so you know where you stand.

Say NO better, so it’s easy to say it.

Say NO better, so you feel strong.

Say NO better, so YES sounds good.

Say NO better, so you can say YES to what you truly want.

Say NO to mental activity that takes you out of your body and away from the real input there.

Say NO to too many things on the to-do list, or ditch the to-do list altogether.

Say NO when you need introspective, reflective time.

Say NO to pain and suffering.

Say NO to taking responsibility for other people’s feelings.

Say NO to what is making you unhappy.

Say NO to what is making you fat.

This is a great theme for the holidays, but also a great theme for 2015.  In essence, say NO to poor communication and YES to more self-respect!