I recently read a blog post by a woman who lost a lot of weight, listing all the things she missed about being overweight. Losing weight permanently means letting go of anything you might miss later. It means moving on in life, without regret.
I read the post with interest. I had never thought about missing anything from my days at 242 lbs. I was HAPPY to leave those pounds, that mindset, and any regrets behind me.
Here were the five things she missed:
I could pig out whenever I wanted
When I was fat, and people liked me, I knew it was real.
I didn’t worry about what to eat
Now, I threaten people
Other people left me alone
I call bullshit!
Let’s look at those “missing” items.
OMFG – Really? That’s something to covet in life? With the amazing array of fun and interesting things to do in this wide world, pigging out is coveted?
Here’s the thing: she’s attached more meaning to the freedom of overeating than to the freedom of health or the freedom from compulsivity.
Attachment and meaning are our choices.
That’s a shift that has to happen as we lose weight, in order to truly change.
Overeating is hard on your body. It’s abusive. Even if it is occasional, and doesn’t create excess weight, it taxes the body’s ability to respond effectively. And, if the mindlessness of a binge is something desired, it’s time to take a look at what we are running from.
When I was fat, and people liked me, I knew it was real
When you were fat, people may have liked you or disliked you, but what you interpreted as “liked” may have been many other things: pity, sympathy, compassion, kindness, mercy, sadness, tenderness, benevolence, comfort, charity, distress, goodness, humanity, cheerfulness, jealousy, hatred, disdain, disgust… or a thousand other things.
Many of us believe it’s ok to be pitied, but it’s one of the most toxic forms of emotion – it’s hatred, a hatred that says, “thank god it’s you who is fat, and not me.”
Don’t mistake another’s emotion. You don’t know what will happen to that person who likes you fat until you are thin. Some of them will no longer “like” you… it’s like a litmus test. And it’s about them, not you.
So, what I’m saying is… it isn’t that people liked her then, and it was real, and she lost that. There’s a saying, “what was ever yours, can never leave.” Her situation thin is no different.
Are there people who will judge you for your weight? Yes. And there are people who will judge you for thin. The issue is judging.
You can learn to discern a judgmental friend, family member or acquaintance NOW, without losing a pound. And your life will get a lot better, trust me.
I didn’t worry about what to eat
Again, I’m not buying this one. It’s a red herring. You spend the same time getting or making good food and getting or making bad food.
And don’t tell me, after eating something that doesn’t promote healthy, you don’t waste MORE time in denial, blame, shame or mental energy trying to convince yourself you can fix what’s already done.
Or time spent moaning and groaning in pain, lethargy or regret.
Spend your time wisely.
Now, I threaten people
I say, this is none of her business. How people react, whether it’s jealousy, envy, resentment, or complete joy and admiration… who cares?
If we are wrapped up in other people’s opinions, we are linking our state of mind, maybe even our happiness, to some person’s random thoughts. It really doesn’t matter if that person is a close friend, or a complete stranger.
The same goes for those times when we think about other people. The street goes both ways. Don’t waste mental energy on other people, whether that is coveting or pitying.
What we think matters, because we create our reality from thoughts and we only have control over our own thoughts.
Hmmmmm. A curious one, right?
You don’t have to have anyone’s attention if you don’t want it.
If you just want to hide from life, there are ways to do that, without negatively impacting your health.
This goes for physical attraction from others too. Many of my clients realize they hold onto excess weight as a buffer against sexual interest from others. That interest makes them uncomfortable, or even anxious.
Personally, I love feeling sexual attraction, towards or from me. It’s part of the energy of life. It doesn’t faze me one way or the other.
The world isn’t going to end over a little attraction. Or even a lot.
If you want to be left alone, let me teach you about boundaries. You can create them effectively, efficiently, with absolutely no cost involved. Developing the skills to do this is part of losing weight, and it’s a life skill we all need to perfect.
It’s a good to test whether real attitude shift has occurred with weight loss. That’s how you make sure it’s permanent weight loss.
If you notice something is getting in your way, or there is “something you miss” about your fatter days, discover what it is. It’s there to be changed, reframed or healed.
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