My two favorite things are change and commitment. It wasn’t always that way. In fact, I’m laughing out loud as I write those words.
Before I learned what it took to alter my weight permanently, change felt really scary and even threatening. I never committed to anything. Oh, I said it did, but I wasn’t reaching any of my goals, so now I know I wasn’t committed to anything.
In those days, I usually decided to diet in the evening, after eating too much all day, and, by 10 a.m., I’d have blown my diet. Every day began with hope and ended in regret.
I liked to gather all my willpower for the latest fad diet, then lose 10 lbs and regain 15.
I studied books, diets and nutrition advice, then wonder why they didn’t work long-term.
I used various food avoidance behaviors, sometimes going most of the day without food, then binging at night.
None of this was helpful. It certainly didn’t lead to permanent weight loss. It was a vicious cycle. And I did it for 20+ years.
What I needed was change and commitment.
I was miserable. My failure in this area bled into every area of my life. I blamed myself and played the victim:
“My parents made me this way.”
“I’m not meant to be like other people.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I have fat genes.”
“I’ll always be fat.”
I tried stranger and stranger diets: eating cabbage soup for weeks or fasting to “make up for” some solid days of “hand-to-mouth” olympics. I didn’t know those diets were setting myself up for metabolic failure in my thirties, when no diet would allow me to lose weight.
I grew further and further away from my body and it’s natural cues of hunger, satiation, energy, and fatigue.
I hated my body because it didn’t effortlessly stay thin. I hated it even more when I realized it might never be what most people called “thin.”
I began to feel utterly defective, letting my struggle with weight color my whole life. I was stuck, frustrated and alone. And I often said what so many of my clients say when they hire me as their coach:
“I know what to eat and I know I should exercise, but WHY DON’T I DO IT?“
What I needed was change and commitment. And, finally, after losing and regaining hundreds of pounds, I decided to stop trying to change food, and change me.
Making real change – to the way we think, how we process emotions, and to the limiting beliefs we hold deep inside of us – isn’t nearly as scary as staying the same and letting excess weight impact life quality.
It just seems that way.
