Right before the holidays, I was shopping at the local grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw how packed it was. Busy day!
I located a parking spot and pulled in. Just as I got out of
my car, I noticed two families (each comprised of a mom and 3 kids) loading
groceries into their respective cars, a minivan and a SUV. Struggles ensued!
Both moms were contending with tired and cranky children, specifically their
male kids. I felt a wave of compassion. I remember shopping with young
children. It’s never easy.
However, I got fascinated by the mirror images I was seeing.
Two moms. Two different cars. Three kids each. Their female children behaving
quite nicely, their boys in the beginning stages of a meltdown – whining,
crying, complaining. One mother had a baby and one had a toddler. No issues
with them at the moment.
As I went to the back of my car to get my shopping bags, I
heard one mom say, “Jimmy, just get in the car! I’m going to get your box
of donuts for you.”
Jimmy looked to be about six or seven. My healthy eating
antenna went up.
I left the back of my car, coming along the other side,
closer to the second family, where I heard the mother say, “Eric, you say
you’re hungry. Would you like me to get you a string cheese from the bag, if I
can find it?”
I moved slowly and stopped a few times.
Now, I know I caught a moment in time here. I argued in my
mind it could have been a very stressful day.
But… the word that kept reverberating in my head wasn’t donut and wasn’t box… it was…
YOUR
“Your box of donuts.”
There was a box purchased just for him.
I thought, on your worst day, would you hand your kid a BOX
of donuts designated as HIS?
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the relative sizes of the families. Their size follows their food habits
My Questions
My questions for you are…
With all the information on healthy eating for kids; the
publicity around the fact that roughly one-third of kids carry unhealthy
weight; and the fact childhood diabetes, a direct result, is an epidemic… WHY
would someone do this to their kid?
Research shows that nearly 60 percent of overweight children age 5 to 17 had at least one risk factor for cardiovascular disease and 25 percent had two or more. And obese kids have an 80 percent chance of staying obese their entire lives. – The American Heart Association
Is it as simple as not caring? Not having the luxury of
caring?
Is it denial?
Is it some sort of child-pleasing? Are we afraid to say no
to our kids?
Is it justification for our (the parents’) weight? I
remember one of my friends shrugging off her extra 200 lbs, by explaining,
“We’re just a big family.”
And how do we help kids being programmed to eat out their
frustrations with sugary treats?
Moderation
Now, one donut might be different. Although the protein
snack would have been better for Jimmy in every way, I like a donut once in a
while too.
One. Occasionally. Any healthy person’s body can deal with
that.
How do we help Jimmy and Jimmy’s mom?
In today’s world, are we supposed to look the other way?
LinkedIn just reminded me I’ve been in the business of weight loss coaching 17 years – Wow!
After losing 72 pounds – a process of weight loss that was different than any other time I lost weight in my life – I wanted to help others who struggle with weight loss. My own process had taught me thousands of lessons – and I’d struggled through without the benefit of assistance or support. Imagine what it would be like with that valuable cheerleader in your corner!
Most people I consulted in my 30-year weight struggle had no idea how to lose weight permanently – including doctors, nutritionists, therapists, personal trainers, dietitians and weight loss gurus. (Not much has changed there – They still don’t know the difference between losing weight and losing weight permanently.)
Because my DESIRE to lose weight and be healthy was so great, I had managed the setbacks and roadblocks, I had adjusted to every curve in the road, and I had grown tremendously as a person. I started helping people as a personal trainer and nutrition coach… but quickly realized I needed a greater tool and began my coach training with the sole intention of helping others lose weight by dealing with the grey matter between their ears – what was really holding them back.
But, I quickly learned change is change – no matter what area of life – and, once started, it spills all over life. Change is the most enlivening feeling on earth!!
After healing my own food addiction, I’m always happy and amazed when I open my freezer and see something like this:
It’s a milkshake with a mere few bites left in the bottom, stored in the freezer.
Why does this make me happy?
Is it some sort of trick, or sign?
Am I taunting myself with “forbidden” foods?
Is someone else tempting me or sabotaging my weight loss success?
Am I breaking all the “diet rules” by having this in my freezer???
No!
Not only do I have absolutely NO forbidden foods on a mysterious list – which is addictive behavior! – I am responsible for my own actions and no one can SABOTAGE me. My food addiction is healed, a thing of the past.
This is my son’s milkshake.
I might eat ice cream occasionally, if I want it, but milkshakes aren’t my thing.
I’m thrilled when I see this in the freezer because it’s a great big sign of HEALTHY.
First of all, my son is 24 years old, 6’1″ tall and weighs about 160 lbs. From what I can tell, he occasionally has one of these “mixer” shakes with his baseball team, after a game.
He left this in the freezer to finish another time, and he did this freely, of his own accord. He eats when and what he wants and he STOPS when cued by his body.
Watching the movie “The Founder,” in which Michael Keaton plays Ray Kroc, the mastermind behind the mega-successful McDonald’s hamburger franchise, gives a rare glimpse into the very moment America took the fat road.
It comes about one-third of the way into the movie. Kroc walks up to the McDonald brothers’ hamburger stand in San Bernadino, California and, before he finishes paying, is handed a paper bag containing his order.
We hear a thousand new messages every year about how to lose weight – new diets, new approaches, new “bad” foods, new fads, new “don’ts”, and new research, which is almost always paid for by an interested Diet World company.
We hear very little about how to lose weight and maintain weight loss all the way to a permanent state.
Permanent weight loss is my entire focus. The last time I lost weight was my last. It didn’t just happen that way. I had that determination going into it. And minus 92 pounds and holding steady at 17 years (on March 13, 2017) is damned well permanent in my book.
In a society that focuses so much on being thin, and produces extremely high obesity rates, it’s no surprise that the determining factors for a healthy life are often overlooked.
Many misinterpret weight as a primary indicator of health, when it is only one factor and, indeed, one that is often over-emphasized. A healthy weight actually exists in a wider range than what shows up on those old fashioned insurance charts used by your doctor – and certainly the newer BMI is similarly ridiculous with strong people who carry a lot of muscle falling into the “obese” category on them!
Heredity and excess dieting often hinder people from achieving those numbers on the charts but that doesn’t exclude a healthy life.
I’m not talking about throwing all caution to the wind and protecting an excessive overweight stage; I’m talking about finding the best health you can inside the body you have.
Here are eight indicators of health I use to help my clients determine an appropriate weight and get healthy. (more…)
I received sad news today… a woman I first met on social media, asking for help to lose weight, has had serious complications from surgery intended to alter her stomach’s ability to hold nutrition (gastric bypass surgery).
After years of pretending she was concerned for her health, I watched her dip in and out of diets, always despondent when they didn’t work. She embraced (and had personal evidence) diets were never going to work, but she preferred to keep “trying”, rather than face herself.
Am I surprised? No. Not really.
This is the saddest part of my work as a professional weight loss coach.
I’ve helped hundreds directly with coaching and thousands through my online programs, but not everyone wants to lose weight, and lose weight permanently.
Anne (a pseudonym) gave me permission to share her story with you.
She called me for help, but never quite signed on to begin a coaching relationship. Or a class.
She had a million excuses.
Actually, she was waiting for something to force her to act. (We usually wait for something ominous to force our hand – by then, it’s too late.)
Anne wanted someone else to take away her excuses. The rock-and-roll and in-and-out of diets seems comforting after a while, always living in the future, living in hope with no action.
Of course, hope with no action is fantasy.
Anne knows that now.
Really, she didn’t want to change. Most of us don’t!
Many people cling to the thinnest shred of any possible reason NOT to take charge. It’s a big step. They know there are no excuses available after they begin to work with me – they sense I teach an ultimate form of RESPONSIBILITY. (After all, I teach a class in responsibility called Own Every Bite!)
I get it.
I could not have seen my own weight rise to 242 lbs., if I didn’t have to work through the same shit everyone else has to work through to get to a point of change.
And I’ve had more than one potential client decide not to pursue coaching or healing their food addiction, clinging to their “safe” world of food-as-problem-solver and food-as-soothing-agent, and wind up right back in my office a few years later with a breast cancer diagnosis or diabetes (excess weight is a major contributing factor to both). Even then, they don’t quite see the connection of what they have created in their bodies, but their doctor told them to get their act together.
I don’t really want to see you in my enLIGHTen Your Life! Mastermind Class or as an individual coaching client when your doctor sends you… I want you to show up BEFORE that… when there’s still time for you to make positive change and ALTER the path you are traveling, a path that leads to poor health, body breakdown, and loss of power.
I want to see you when you recognize you have choices and are choosing health and self-care over your old martyrdom story of “everyone else comes first.”
No job, no relationship, and even the kids don’t come before your health. If you don’t put the oxygen mask on yourself first, you can’t help them. You won’t be there to help them.
And you’ll have given them a piss-poor example of how to manage life if you can only cope by stuffing your face.
No, you are not hiding that from the kids either. They know fat. Just like they know if you secretly drink, or drug, or cut yourself.
Believe me, I was once in your shoes. I walked that walk, until I got a new one.
Here’s what I think keeps most of us from receiving help:
SHAME
It takes some real humble acceptance to recognize and admit we need help, or need to learn a new way to cope.
We often feel, if we avoid getting help, we’ll solve fat alone, and no one will be the wiser to what we’ve been doing or (worse!) what we’ve been thinking about ourselves. Because we feel a lot of shame about our physical condition.
Here’s what I think encourages us to move beyond addictions:
WORTHINESS
Somewhere, deep inside, you have to know you are worth more than the scraps you are getting in life. After all, if you were getting what you truly need, there would be no drive to augment life with excess food.
That boring job, with the stress and headaches? Yes, you can do better.
A terrible parent or relative who constantly judges and puts you down? Yes, you can find supportive, loving new “family.”
The ungrateful children or siblings, who don’t understand your needs? Yes, we all need to be understood and loved. It’s possible.
A spouse or partner who doesn’t hear, see or revere you? This costs a fortune in esteem.
The toxic relationship you’ve forged with yourself, where you berate or excuse (or both) yourself for your choices and habits… it’s time to release it.
Overeating is about making up for something, stuffing real feelings, hiding.
We all need to love ourselves enough to choose to live differently.
If your morale hit the floor when you read the New York Times’ article about the massive Biggest Loser weight regain experienced by participants, you are not alone.
My phone has been ringing with some mighty disheartened folks, asking for my opinion.
First of all, the regain is real. I won’t tell you it’s not. Over the past 15 years, I’ve coached many clients who lost weight in an all-out, highly restrictive, biggest loser fashion – weight loss surgery, fad diets, fasting, liquid protein diets – and ALL of them regained ALL the weight.
I personally did this many times myself, before losing 92 lbs permanently. There is no shame in regaining weight. It’s what the body is programmed to do when assaulted. I mean that word “assaulted.”
The problem with highly restrictive diets is we must leave the body out of the weight loss effort, literally wreaking violence internally.
This wave of reaction I’m feeling about the Biggest Loser article reminds me of one of my most vivid memories, which occurred right before I decided to lose weight permanently.
I was in the medical school library, and I had just found several studies showing how weight is regained rapidly after highly restrictive diets. I admit to being just as stunned as many of you are right now. The numbers I found on the National Weight Control Registry (which follows real life losers) were:
Thanks for all your emails and FB messages, but nothing in the new article in The New York Times, “After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their Bodies Fought to Regain Weight” is news to me.
The article details research showing how the Biggest Loser participants (and anyone rapidly losing weight) regains at an astonishing rate, destroys their metabolism, experiences great shame, and crushes their esteem.
Not only did I discover those truths in my own diet-and-regain merry-go-round of a life, I turned that vital information to my advantage in losing 92 lbs and sustaining the weight loss long-term. (74 lbs sustained since 2000 + another 18 lbs sustained since 2011).
Before that, shame was my middle name as I spent over 20 years losing and regaining.
What burns my butt is the disingenuous nature of the doctors and researchers in this article. You can’t tell me they didn’t understand these concepts, which I was able to learn as a layman in the medical school library. If it is news to them, we need to take a serious look at medical school training today.
Of course, I admit I had to explain it to my brother-in-law, a doctor, who claimed to have heard nothing of it in medical school.
Fat people, he claimed, were weak willed. Oh, brother(in-law)!
Why should I, simply a fairly intelligent woman who conquered a food addiction, be telling the supposed professionals about permanent weight loss?
I recently read a blog post by a woman who lost a lot of weight, listing all the things she missed about being overweight. Losing weight permanently means letting go of anything you might miss later. It means moving on in life, without regret.
I read the post with interest. I had never thought about missing anything from my days at 242 lbs. I was HAPPY to leave those pounds, that mindset, and any regrets behind me.
Here were the five things she missed:
I could pig out whenever I wanted
When I was fat, and people liked me, I knew it was real.
